MARRIAGE COUNSELING
Marriage and successful relationship is among the greatest gifts that God has given to us, and can be one of the greatest and most rewarding experiences of life. But it can also be one of the most challenging, painful, and disappointing experiences as well. 56% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages end in divorce, and 75% of third marriages end in divorce. In view of this, we must accept that successful relationship doesn’t happen on accident, and in reality takes serious commitment and lots of hard work. When a carpenter goes to work he takes his toolbox with him, and it’s amazing how easy a particular job can be if he has the right tool to do the job. For example, if the carpenter had to do something as simple as removing a bent nail from a board, he’d have a very hard time if the only tool he had was a straight edge screwdriver, but could easily do so if he had a claw hammer which would allow him to grab the nail and easily pry it out of the board. If you have the right tools the job is very easy, and if you don’t have the right tools the job can be very difficult. In much the same way, every couple needs a “relational toolbox” that’s filled with the necessary “relational tools” that will allow them to repair the inevitable challenges and difficulties that will arise within the context of their relationship, and therefore a primary goal of the therapeutic process is to equip a couple with the appropriate and necessary “relational tools” that will best position them for relational success and fulfillment for many years to come. Examples of some of the “relational tools” that a couple will discover and practice in the therapeutic process might include:
1. The TOOL of DIFFERENTIATION! (This is the non-negotiable power principle of successful relationship and no relationship can succeed without understanding and embracing this reality.)
2. The TOOL of MAKING ROOM! (This tool allows us to accept the reality that there are 2 different people in your relationship, and what it means to “make room” for both people.)
3. The TOOL of TAKING THE HIT! (Every relationship is a two-way street, and no one person can always get their way. Said another way, success will involve learning to compromise, the art of giving and taking, and the ability for each person to be able to “take the hit” when they surrender what they want to the preference of their partner.)
4. The TOOL of RECEIVING INFLUENCE! (It’s critically important that each person has the ability to be influenced by their partner. Do you care what your partner thinks and feels? Does their opinion and viewpoint even matter to you? What’s more important in the relationship… what you think and feel, or what they think and feel?)
5. The TOOL of APPEAL vs. DEMAND! (In the same way you probably would not respond well if your partner placed demands upon you, your partner probably will not respond well if you place demands upon them. The tool of “APPEAL” creates a safer environment that allows both partners to respond to one another in a healthier way.)
6. The TOOL of MOVING TOWARD! (There are 3 primary relational “movements” happening at any given time in every relationship: moving away, moving against, and moving toward. Understanding and practicing the tool of “moving toward” will radically strengthen your relationship.)
7. The TOOL of TALKING DIFFERENTLY! (Healthier relationship will always involve healthier communication skills, and it’s amazing how many couples need help in this area. In therapy a couple will discover the key components of this tool which will allow them to communicate better than ever before.)
8. The TOOL of PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY! (You are not responsible for them. You are not responsible for what they do or do not do. You are responsible for you, and when we can get two people who are each willing to take responsibility for who they are in the relationship, it will go a long way toward function, wholeness, and healing.)
9. The TOOL of SURRENDERING THE EXPECTATION OF CHANGE vs. BOUNDARIES!
10. The TOOL of FORGIVENESS & AMMENDS!
11. The TOOL of SURRENDERING YOUR RIGHTS!
12. The TOOL of THE 54 MOST IMPORTANT WORDS OF YOUR LIFE! (The average person speaks 860,341,500 words in their life. Of these words, 54 of them are among the most important words you’ve ever spoken, and it’s your committment to these words that can change your future!)
If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship, it doesn’t mean somethings wrong with you. It just means you’re normal. Couples counseling can allow you to process those challenges in a comfortable and safe environment, and allow you, among other things, to discover the “relational tools” that will equip you for maximum success in your relationship!
For more information, questions, or to schedule an appointment, call 636-373-0745.